Dancin' out on 7th street; where do you go when you're lonely?

a third post in a month - improvement!



after four months i am finally back home, bumming out as much as i can. i'm getting mixed feelings at the moment, struggling between wanting to relax but needing to work for money at the same time. i find it stressful how employers in a town such as this are reluctant to hire full-time workers who could only stay for a short period of time. placing myself in their shoes, it's absolutely understandable since they want workers who would stay so as to prevent the fuss of having to find others to replace those who leave once every two months. nevertheless, it's driving me over the wall how much i'm pressured into finding a job before december 1st.


sigh it's so hard to find media-related work for a media student in a small place like this. :(




and to be honest i'm still trying to get used to the fact that it looks like 3pm when it's still 12pm here (it turns almost pitch black when it's only 6.30pm; back in KL it only ever starts to dim around 7.15pm-ish).

it really feels as if time flies away when one is back in miri.







finally saw dad's after-surgery scar. youngest sister claims it to be an earthworm, thus dad's new nickname cacing.






visited the new Mega Mall situated along the road to the airport. sister brought me around Tai Kiong where they have neat rows of groceries that at least make me smile. a few places that are new have been opened as well, i've yet to visit all of them. miri's turning out to be quite a little city, which makes me happy yet sad at the same time. it's slowly losing its authenticity but at least it's moving up the scale.

heck, there's finally a second McDonald's now - with a 24 hour drive thru.





most of the time i just bum around at my parents' office though, sitting across the table from my mum's while she munches on peanuts from little packets when the afternoons are draggy.






finally showed parents my new year's outfit, chosen courtesy of Stick Friend because she's awesome at picking out new things for me like that. i'm pretty happy to say that i finally own a pair of jeggings (jeans in the form of leggings, for those in need of explanations to fashion jargons *wink*), but now i'm pressured to keep my shape.


which is pretty hard considering that both my grandmothers are on a mission to blow me up since i have, in their terms, "gotten too skinny".









regardless of being separated by the south china sea, i had a nice hour or two chatting up with my friends still. had a skype session with wei wen the other afternoon (luckily i caught him right at the moment that he got up).


i'm still trying to search for plane tickets so i can have them over in miri. i dread to think about next year, how our little circle of friends have reduced to the size of only 5.


imma miss mah stick friend and twirly boy. :(






what i'm really excited about though, is waiting on my second sister to get back. it's been close to a year since we've all seen her. i just want her back here because at least i have someone to talk to at home as opposed to the younger one who would prefer to hang out with her friends.


wished my high school friends were back home, and i totally need to get my friends over here. *headdesk*





i've been rethinking during the holidays, how i need serious organising next year in 2011. so many new responsibilities, so many things to juggle. looking at the second year courses makes me a little worried. i've been thinking about reconstructing my blog as well, deciding whether i should stick to this one or start a new one, wondering if i could ever update as frequently as i could before since i've grown to learn that i'd rather keep my private life to myself rather than having to display everything out there to anyone with internet access.



long gone are the days of being as carefree as a child now, isn't it?

(untitled)

sometimes i struggle, not knowing what to do.



i tell myself "it's a phase",
but is it really?



all this,
things that's been pushing me downward



downward
downward
downward.




sometimes i wish i knew what was going on;

what's draining my mind
what's pushing my heart into the dark
what's pulling me away from my safety zone.



i go to bed at night,

hoping to get a glimpse
a touch
a breath of what is real.


but now it feels shaky,
the ground beneath me rumbling


breaking into pieces
forcing me to hold on.



hold on
hold on
hold on



it feels so hard trying to,




when all i could ever wish for

is just for those two hands to hold me tight

for just one night





and make everything okay again.






my energy slipping away,

sometimes it's hard to do this alone







you know?




but i pray

i pray.

gold is fleeting.

you don't hear from me for a month and suddenly, out of nowhere, here i am: up and blogging in the early hours of 6 in the morn.



but just a quickie this time round because classes are in a bit.








october has gone by in a flash and we stop to take a look around, realising that we've already reached the second last month of 2010.

one of the many things i will remember about waking up early to catch the ride to uni: a view from the seats at the last row inside our mini-van.

it's funny how things change, as of many things in life do.




and the way that we tend to go back to the beginning and reminisce from then on;

i still remember the day we naively stepped into our first day of college life,

the way i struggled at the beginning of my first semester as a 1st year degree student, fear still lingering upon every inch of my breath as i pictured all the challenges that are placed before me,


and now alas, i'm finishing my second semester and completing my first year degree.




how much older i feel, regardless if i have only grown just a little more since then.

NatashaAwesomeSim, hanging around at the new near the lakeside at campus in the evenings.

to say that i have grown alone would be an understatement;

so much of us have sprouted along.


some have it easy, some learned it the hard way.


but regardless of all the things that have happened, we fought our way through. doing it solo and doing it together. it still amazes me how much could change in a year, how people loved and lost, how we let go and let live.

>meen and natasha, just chillin' in the evenings while we wait for the traffic to subside.

views from the lakeside.

sometimes i lay in bed thinking whether i should be glad or sad about the year ending. the year hadn't been the easiest, but it's definitely one of the most eventful, i'd say.


if only i knew the right words to put it.


so many things to talk about, but so little time.





-




time for uni, more updates coming your way (soon, hopefully).