15 September 2010

I know everything you don't want me to.

when i saw this picture i smile and thought to myself that it's about high time i updated my blog. LOL

i'm not sure if i still have readers on this blog since i've been neglecting it for so long. i seldom update nowadays; the most i would do is writing one post per month, sometimes one in two months if i'm busier. i highly doubt anyone ever checks in anymore, but with the amount of things happening to me for the past few weeks, sometimes writing is one of the best things that can help me.

i guess maybe that's why i never deleted my blog even though my updates are close to non-existent: sooner or later, i'll come back to it.


so what has the tiny one been up to?

technically my main concern at the moment would be my assignments in uni. for those who have followed my blog ever since i started writing would know that i never stress about assignments or any form of school work. nevertheless, i suppose i'm falling into one of those phases where the pressure of wanting to do better gets to me and i focus too much on wanting to make my work perfect rather than focusing on what's important - doing the best that i can.

i remembered that there was not a time in my life in which i worry about assignments. heck, when SPM was around the corner, i didn't even focus on anything. i only skimmed through the pages thinking "aah. what a fuss. i'll just breeze through this.", but i guess it's different when it comes down to the higher educational level. my mind reminds me over and over again how much my parents are paying for the fees and how much more difficult this is as compared to "malaysian high school education". and if that's not enough, i've taken towards wanting to perfect things; pushing myself to be better than what i've done before.

but to be honest, i've lost so much of myself due to the excessive thinking (personal things of which i shall not mention in said blog), i forgot to how it felt to really let go and live. i focus too much on my own expectations and the expectations of others that i literally forgot to just let go like how i used to.

it's one of those times i realised that i need to set my mind straight again - pulling myself out from all the clutter in my head and clearing all of it, reconstructing from what is left of the mumbo-jumbo. this period that i'm experiencing painfully reminds me of my October 6th and the difficult time i had to push through, but i treasure what i learned from it and i should be pushing my way above it all again.

wish me luck though, i need all the support i can get.

there's a new addition to the family: princess cottonsocks! (said princess situated on my shoulder)

it's funny how everyone expects me to call her Horlicks since her big brother's Milo. XD my sister was telling me not to neglect Milo. pfft as if. these two are the reasons for me to be happy, and i wouldn't love the other any less. <3

... but i have to admit, i'm a huge sucker for anything fluffy and tiny and adorable. so hide your puppies and bunny tots - you'll never know when an insane person like me might come around and steal anyone of them. >:)

one another note, i haven't been dedicating birthday posts to anyone for the longest of time. it's about time i did.

and who better to wish other than my roommate and long-time friend, Shella?

*somewhat* the person of my foundation.

i still remembered the time when we first had our first impressions of each other: her, a new student to our school at a tender age of 10 going on 11 and me, your typical happy-go-lucky child who happens to be studying at the school that she's been enrolled in.

my very earliest memory of this little ball of cuteness was at the stairs inter-connecting the senior classes with ours: she wasn't hard to spot since she was wearing a long-sleeved white top while our given shirts have short sleeves. she was wearing that same blank emotionless expression that she still has till this day, and she was walking aimlessly. even when i didn't know her then, i could tell she was new and that she was different, an aura that i couldn't put my finger on.

i still remembered the time she told me she thought i was weird because i smiled too much haha.

looking back, we've been through a lot while growing up together. we've learnt of friendship, of joy and heartbreak, of the ups and downs in life. when we moved out to continue our higher education, we've been together still, sharing our newly different lives and the people we meet in it. i had always been more fragile, and she'd been the one who's put up with all my heartbreak and the tears. and she'd been there for me when i was happy as well.

people say that living with a person you've always been friends with is different, and i can't agree more. through the good times and the bad, i have to say that i wouldn't give it up for anything else in the world.

both of us have grown up so much since the day we've left our safety zone. you've been there for me as much as i have for you. i remember seeing you grow, secretly i'm really proud of you and all the achievements that you've made. in my own little way, i've always loved you, even more than i should, regardless of whether i told you that i do.

continue being the beloved little child inside, shella. you've always held on to your own beliefs and never let anyone made you think otherwise, so i'm not worried at all. you're independent enough from the start. i know that someday both of us would have to go our separate ways, but always know that you have a friend in me no matter what and i'll always be there for you if you ever need me.

you'll be great someday. i know and believe that you are.

i hope that you had the best birthday today, roomie. a toast, to our 9-year-friendship and so much more.

0 spilled milk: