30 October 2009

Rain, and other things.



it's been raining for the past 3 days. the air is cold around me and the floor is benumbing beneath my feet. my hands are freezing and i am in a constant snuggle in my bed under the sheets. but it feels really good and i'm not complaining - i'd give anything to have the weather like the mornings of Hong Kong in December.


memories memories and memories.





the foundation year is ending.


most of us from foundation Jan intake `09 are getting emotional as the day we part draws near. after classes some of us gave short speeches, sort of like a dedication speech. skeenee beetch teared up in class even. i was about to give mine but was saved last minute by mr. justin who came to brief us on the UniSA degree program that we may be taking next year.


i'm not one who gives satisfactory impromptus. i do better with writing.





but honestly speaking, there is no way a short and simple speech is able to describe all the wonderful people in my intake.


how do you even put into words the feeling you get when someone first gives you that warm smile; the smile that's punctuated with a little bit of hidden shyness and yet you're sure that it says "i'd like to get to know you better" all over? the way it makes you feel when you first find out that you and another have a lot more in common than you've ever expected; and even when you discover differences, there's that rush of excitement covered with curiosity that fills you when they open up to you with their likes, opinions, thoughts, feelings and so forth.


we are so diverse, and yet so similar in many ways imaginable. many of us may not see eye to eye with each other sometimes, but secretly most of us have sat down and thought: hey, well he/she's not so different from me after all. call me a dreamer, but i think a lot of us wished we had just a little bit more time, so we could fill in the blanks that still linger in all of us where we've left off.


i have learned so many things during these 11 months that i have spent with the people i've met here. from each and every one of my coursemates, regardless of the fact where i have or have not been close with them, i've learned countless things. i believe that whatever i have experienced from them, be it big or small, it somehow altered the way i see the world.





to the first friend i've made in college: i knew you before i even met you, and i am blessed for that. you've shown me that no matter what happens, we should learn to be strong and pull through. thank you, for showing me that it's not impossible. in one word: STRENGTH.

to the second friend i've made in college and the first to teach me pool: i remembered first meeting you at B2 cafe and having lunch with you and dior. you reminded me of my sister, i recall feeling, and in the end i find that you really are like one to me. in one word: TRUST.

to the first close friend i've made in college: by the end of the second week of college you have already known my life as a whole, stories that were shared but never left the college library. i still remember the talks we had, and the countless of times you've tried making me smile when i was down. thanks, for smiling for me when i couldn't. in one word: LOVE.

to the second close friend i've made in college: i don't think i'll ever forget the way you laugh. i still remember our marshmallow and crackers conversation in your room, and the night when i found out that being myself wasn't so hard after all. it was a good night, and a friendship was formed. in one word: SISTERHOOD.

to my peyton sawyer: you are by far one of the most unique people i've ever met. you are so soft on the inside and yet you put on such a hard exterior in life. a fighter. you may have your quirky, weird, moody and hilarious moments - your so-called "ups and downs", but you are one of the very few people who take time to understand others and never leave your friends when they need you. thank you, for understanding me. in one word: DEPTH.

to my arabian princess: throughout my days of being your friend, you have never ceased to make me feel most at ease. you are so, so strong. sometimes i can't even describe how much i admire you and your dignity and strength. thank you, for making me feel safe. in one word: METIER.

to my pakistani prince: from the first day i met you, i have never thought that we would form the kind of friendship that we had. you have, above all, taught me so many things; to stand up and be the better girl that i can be. thank you, for not making it easy for me, because life isn't easy. in one word: EXPERIENCE.

to my midnight: sometimes i wake up from the wrong side of the bed, and my mood is awfully distorted throughout the whole day. but surprisingly enough, you are one of those who is able to slap reality back into me. you know it'd hurt me, but you know you needed to do it. i'm glad that i took the time to try and understand you, because in a way, i think the world needs more people like you. thank you. in one word: SOPHISTICATION.

to our leader: respect. that's one word of which i think people will always relate to you whenever they hear your name or see you. "maturity does not come with age, but with experience," those are one of the many things i learned from you. you have enlightened me in so many ways, i wish i could show you how much. in one word: POWER.

to the happy-go-lucky one: before this i thought that it was easy to just be satisfied with life, but there is just so much more to it than that. but you have proven to me that it's possible to just live and not let things get in the way of being happy. sometimes i want to tell you how much i appreciate you for always remembering me even when i have never done anything to deserve such great care. your bright personality is the thing that i look forward to everyday when i attend classes. in one word: JOY.

to our woman of women: people judge others by their appearances, but you are the very few who can prove others that they are SO wrong to stereotype you. even though i never told you, but i admire you a great deal. when you put your head into it, you hang on and pull through till the end. to hell with people who look down on you, because i believe that you will become someone really famous one day. : ) in one word: DETERMINATION.

to our class cutie: seeing you smile and hearing your giggles are enough to make me smile. even a little gesture from you can make my day. that's what i look forward to everyday. : ) in one word: ADORABLE.

to our class vegetarian: unique, talented and brave. you may be different, but i admire your ability to pull through all that and bring out the best that you can be. in one word: CULTURE.

to our oprah: people can tease you and people can make fun of you all the time, but that doesn't stop you from being who you are. you're not afraid of anything, and i always find that courageous of you. you're awesome, so so awesome. : ) in one word: BRAVERY.

to our quiet soul: i may not speak to you much, but i know that under all that solemnity, there's a champion waiting to emerge. always calm and disciplined, you take your responsibilities quite seriously and you don't take pride in the achievements you've accomplished. and i really like that about you. really do. in one word: HUMILITY.

to our class cook: under all that funky exterior, your personality stands out louder than most. you're quirky, and that's what so awesome about you. you're different in your own way, and is not ashamed of it. passionate about Music and God, it's not everyday i meet someone like you. thank you for being part of the colours of my life. in one word: BLESSING.

to the woman with good taste: i have always secretly wondered what goes on in your mind. how you think, how you work with things. it awes me how creative a person can be, and many a time i have wondered how you did it. you have your opinions and thoughts, and you've always stood by them. in that sense, i think you're a really unique soul. in one word: SUAVE.

to the boy with an imagination bigger than the universe: you're a superhero in your own terms, that's what i like about you. your imagination is one of a kind, and i personally think that one day, you'll become someone great. who said dreamers can't make it big? : ) in one word: CREATIVE.

to the skinny girl with the biggest randomness: you never fail to come up with so many unpredictable reactions to my antics, i really love hanging out with you in that sense. you're a smart cookie, and usually the most distinctive personalities come from people as intelligent as you. in one word: RANDOM.

to the klang baby: i love your art, and i love the way you laugh at my random silly antics. : ) i may not have spent enough time with you, but i can't help but thank you for those wonderful eating trips. :P in one word: SINCERE.

to the sleeper: maybe if people spoke to you more, they'd know you're not as simple as they think you are. i love the times when you listened to me and made me feel better, and i love the way you make the whole class laugh with your natural humour. thank you, for being you. : ) in one word: UNIQUE.

to my huggable friend: you're so strong to have pulled through the year. i know that i may not have been the bestest of all friends to you in class, but i really think that if only they took more time to really get to know you, they'd understand. i know they would. in one word: STABILITY.

to my sarawakian sister: if only you weren't so shy. : ) *hugs* in one word: SWEET.

to my myanmar beauty: sometimes i find that your determination to do your best in class is truly admirable. it doesn't show, but those times when you texted me and asked me incessantly about anything at all, i am flattered and also somewhat motivated by your determination to work. : ) in one word: DETERMINATION.

to my lil babe: you are so, so smart. sometimes i wished i had half your intelligence. in all my life i've never thought i'd meet a soloist like you - and quite frankly, i really look up to your originality. in one word: SOLOIST.






in your own ways you guys have made me see and feel so many things, it makes me proud to know that we've made it so far.


so much of characters,
so much of personalities;
and one day,
we'll conquer the world. : )

29 October 2009

Let's go.













found these wonderful and beautiful pictures online.


somehow looking at these is giving me that little nostalgic feeling.


suits the mood somewhat.


feels as if i want to run away into the pictures.


reminds me a little bit of M83's "We Own The Sky" too. :)








so how's about it? : )

Food for thought.

with so many things flooding my mind at the moment, i can't seem to focus on the things i have to do lately. juggling between home, future, moving, studying, relationships, etc. growing up takes a lot of work.


seemingly a few of my coursemates have started studying for our finals that's coming up next week; i say few because i know most of us would be procrastinating anyway. :P even if we aren't, we would say we are when asked. heheheheh.


on the other hand, i would be lying if i said i WASN'T procrastinating. the evidence? despite not having classes this morning, i woke up early and headed down to the college library... just so i could get these:
































well i have to get my mind off things one way or another, don't i? hee. i dare you to tell me me these aren't the least appetizing. :P hehehe.

28 October 2009

Teeth sinking into heart.

finally i managed to get my blog up and running! :D i was finally able to find new blog layouts today that aren't too cheesy or too icky. i should have added in the keywords "XML" when i was googling for new ones last week though, then i would have gotten the new designs faster. :P




"karma is a funny thing."
two of my favourite buttons. period.


assignment week is officially over! everyone of my coursemates are so relieved you have no idea. before this it was weeks of torture - for the most part, most of us were pulling through long nights and finding it hard to breathe because of the *supposedly* insufficient time trying to work our asses off. some of us even pulled all nighters for the assignments... not me though because i don't think i'd be able to live without a day of shut-eye. :O

and most of us were procrastinating anyway. :P aah the evil invention of facebook eh? heheheh.






phillers made us dinner the other day. the picture you see above is his own recipe. udon noodles with tender chicken and soft brinjals cooked in green curry, topped with delicious strips of bacon marinated in lemon caramel sauce, and a side of aromatic basil.



the munchers. said cook is second from left.


it was a real treat. : ) i never thought udon would go so well with curry. and this is the first time i've ever had brinjals. normally i wouldn't even touch a dish if i were to discover brinjals in them, and bacon marinated in lemon caramel sauce BACON MARINATED IN LEMON CARAMEL SAUCE, cooked to a crisp perfection! heaven. phil really has a great talent with food. sometimes i think i'm blessed to have met him. it's a pity how most guys i know do not acquire the special talent for sprouting magic in the kitchen like he does.






spent a night at The Woman's place. had a drink-out with the bunch the night before so i was invited to stay over for a night. i've always wanted to visit The Woman's place, and i finally got the chance to do so. : ) met the whole family and got to see the house. it was quite nice and fun overall.


and i'm missing her chicken soup already. *salivates*




the next morning, meen decided to bring me out for a gourmet extravaganza at Kanna Curry House. : )


one of the best, i'd say.


meen wasn't kidding when she said the food there is as awesome as hell. : ) sure enough, i flooded my rice with chicken curry AND dhal. ordered rounds of chicken rendang, mutton curry, sambal prawns and fried calamari too. FWAH and an eat out it was! my tummy was satisfied for the next 3516421654321635431 hours though. hehe. but it was really awesome nonetheless. definitely on the list right next to paandi's.


hmm paandi's. i miss that place.



the bloated and the cheeky.









so what have i been up to recently? honest to goodness, i can't even give you a "in-a-nutshell". there's just so many things going on, all at once.

finals are up.

awaiting two trips.

a wedding dinner to attend.

the next plane home.

missing them all over again.

bonding with the monkey.

vietnam.

next year degree.

my family.

... no degree (?)

work.

learning new things.

her.




so what is it that i've been up to recently?



i guess if i were to really put it into a nutshell,

it would be just trying to pull through this battle, i suppose.

25 October 2009

Screwed up layout.

me and my incompetence. now my blog looks like crap. : (


bear with me here loves. will get the blog up and going soon. it's going to be one of those plain layouts... but imma stick with that because i'm tired of having to see my old cacat-ed layout.


... although it beats this current one anytime.


STOP BEING A BEETCH BLOGGER! :(

12 October 2009

CharT: Poop popp pop daym poop hard to spell.

CharT says:
and pooping is good
ahhhh poop
poopy poop
poop is actually pretty hard to spell
cus you wanna spell as pop
but you then backspace and type in the extra o
post this on your blog
so ppl can see my awesomeness at typing poop

Michellious says:
i think i'm getting internal bruises from all this hysterical silent giggling.

CharT says:
damn almost typed popp



the wonders of having a random friend who loves spelling faeces and making you post it up on their blog so they can get some street cred.


you and your random conversations CharT. i love you. hahaha.




CharT says:
wahahahah
i love getting featured on your blog
makes me feel special
i'm waiting to see how my poop thing goes on your blog
=D




ROFL.

11 October 2009

I felt you in my legs before I even met you.

been digging up all my mixtapes and music albums earlier. i think i need a special hard drive just for the albums in my laptop because at this rate my RAM won't be enough for all of it.


found my tegan and sara album and couldn't stop having it on replay on my player ever since. i'm always amazed speechless by their awesome harmonizing. these are my favourite twins in the whole world, followed by the veronicas. : )



and their acoustic sessions - they spell love love love over and over again.



Tegan and Sara: "The Con"






Tegan and Sara: "Nineteen"








aah they sing away my yester-years. : )

Sunday afternoon.

woke up feeling a bit weird, like something's just not sitting right with me. i still haven't found out what it is though.


three more assignments to deal with. moral ed written assignment is almost done, now i'm just waiting for the rest to send in their share for the "problem solving" section. english research paper is on the way (i think), but i still have lots more to go. and the last and biggest assignment would be the documentary for our media appreciations project.


recently we've all been flooded by so many paper work it's crazy. the number of people who stayed up late just to do work is obscene. time management is a pain in the arse, but what to do? usually it's always sacrificing one for the other. there's always an opportunity cost for all the things in the world, innit?

yes i relate this to principle of economics. i'm nerdy so sue me.


right now i'm a restless little soul. been up and moving around as if i'm charged like an energizer bunny. been doing my laundry and working on assignments, cleaning the toilet and the kitchen sink. most of my messy folders in the laptop are cleared and the downloaded movies are all renamed properly. the OCD side of me is satisfied... well, almost anyway. wish the house was neater but i'll leave that till some other time when i'm in the mood to clear everything. right now too many things are fogging up my mind. all the chores that i've dealt with so far are enough to sustain me for a while longer.


i noticed that i clean and tidy up stuff when i really don't want to think about other things that i'm supposed to ponder about or do. i wonder if there's anyone else who does the same?


stayed up till late last night talking with zin (whom i shall call spencer from now on). it was another one of our long chats, where we started at 8pm and spoke throughout the night, up until 3.30am the following morning. i didn't even notice that it was already 2am until the house fell really silent at one point. had to check my phone to know that we spent almost 7 hours immersed in our conversations. we talked about so many things, especially of our past. we laughed at our innocence for the most part, but somehow there was a mutual understanding about what's happened. and it felt good to be able to bring it all out onto the table and discuss it over with her.


been looking up for south of nowhere again. i miss watching it. but managed to download the opening theme from youtube.com. i regret ever having to delete it from my hard drive. gackt!


"Wasted" by LP (South of Nowhere OST)



and i am still in love with their theme song.




time passes us by so quickly. sometimes it amazes me. diwali is just around the corner and i can't wait. my first time having diwali in the west! i bet there are going to be lots of big celebrations everywhere. toamy was surprised that this year they're actually doing diwali decorations all over. i haven't been to the pyramid for a while. would be nice to go and check out the decorations. :D


am trying to change my blog layout because mine's faulty for the past year already. any pointers? i love how Daniel and Wei Wen have theirs all wide and full-screened. and i like caryn's clean-cut design. help anyone? : )


november's just around the corner. i personally am looking forward to my sister's visit. : ) wish both of them could come though.


cluster of bothers in my head. so many things on my to-do list.



i still miss her.




............................................


on a brighter note:





: )

09 October 2009

It's worth smiling.

five minutes to midnight, with hotel lights' "follow through" crooning ever so softly over the speakers. the mood i'm getting right now is inspiring me to write this before i call it a night.



earlier this morning i had a speaking test. i was given a topic about arts and music. i felt a part of my old self coming back to me as my mind raced for ideas, reminiscing about my days back in high school when all i knew was art to liberate me and music to keep me drunk. just me, my drawings, my music, and the people. those are all i need.



finally handed in my share of assignments. there's still my research paper and documentary to handle, but i already feel as if the world's weight has been taken away from my chest and i can finally breathe again. headed to the 7th heaven for rounds of pool. it's been a while since i've had a game of it, and today we played until we dropped. it felt really good.



came back to the apartment and jasmeen tagged along as she waited for her friend to come by and save her. laughed about silly things for a bit, but it felt good. sometimes i think that all we ever need is a hearty laughter to makes things feel alright. thanks jasmeen for being a part of those 5 minutes that made me feel like the world.



the apartment felt quiet without the rest. althea left for home, she deserved the break. shella and spencer were still rushing their projects in college. i was alone, and it was so silent. it suddenly started raining and i just looked outside the window. it poured heavier as minutes passed, but i loved it all the same. tiny raindrops pitter-pattered at my windowsill, playfully splashing me with it's icy coldness. i smiled at them and couldn't help but fall in love all over again.



opened the packet of oreos that i got today at 7-eleven on my way back. been craving for them for the past few days. poured myself a cuppa hot milk and sat myself down in my room again, embraced by the silence.



turned on my PC and checked my inbox the first thing (as usual). found a surprise email from a fellow friend i've been hoping to hear from since the past month. laughed at her silly antics. replied the email and am looking forward to hers.



halfway through typing my phone rang, signaling me of an incoming message. i looked at the screen and felt my heart skip a beat. big smiles found their way across my face and my heart grew. how i miss her.



placed the 5th Season of One Tree Hill that caryn lent me. after finishing the first episode i was already smitten. i don't know why but there's just something about the series that makes me feel so at home. thanks caryn, for giving me something to lose myself into.




assignments done, rounds of pool, laughter, a text message, an email, milk and cookies by the laptop while watching my biggest guilty pleasure of all time, and enjoying the coldness of the rain.



today is a good day. something worth smiling to. : )

08 October 2009

I've been up

... from 3am sharp and can't get back to sleep since.


trying to type on my computer to make my eyes hurt and tire them out.


i need more interesting ideas than that.


moral ed early morn and media appreciation later in the afternoon. presentation for the latter.



econs and social psych essays. ahhh crap.

06 October 2009

Note to self:

(1) it's alright to sit around, be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do whatever you have to, but don't stay there too long: get up and go on with your life.

(2) let them go if you have to.

(3) remember those who stayed.

(4) thinking about others is alright, but don't forget to protect your own heart too.

(5) remember the categories of a tree.

(6) ain't nobody said it's going to be easy, but it's going to be easier when you learn how to love yourself.

(7) make that decision, and stick to it.

(8) you have to learn to be by yourself sweetheart. if you can't learn to be by yourself, what are you going to do with somebody else?

(9) go work on you, hell, that's what that time is for, to get yourself together.

(10) please be alright soon.

Out of the safety zone.

the second i opened my eyes, it all comes flashing back into my mind, and the weight that left me when i drifted away the other night comes back to me in an instant. it struck me that i have done nothing but single handedly destroy something that i have spent almost 7 months nurturing. and now this will haunt me until i understand how to fix it.


in the pale blue glow of 7 in the morning i curl up in shame in my bed. even the warmth won't save me now. i realised that what i have done had only ruined me, tearing myself away from those i love most. why must i always make these illogical decisions? even i have problems understanding this myself. just when i thought i had something solid built up for myself, i went and killed everything.


i tried going back to sleep, but the safety of my dreams refused me. rejected me. i dragged myself to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. i can't even bear the sight of myself. the tight slap from last night still stings on my face. my eyes are hollow and lost all the sense of emotions that were once there. i got it blasted right out of my face. i could feel the sin etched across my face, carved deep within my skin so whenever i look at myself i remember.


superficial. so superficial.


the words rang in my head, like an emotional rollercoaster it is sometimes soft but sometimes a siren in my mind. i was scared, and only wanted to try to do something to make it right. but the only thing i did was let fear drag me down that black hole.


my breathing turns weird again. fast slow short dragging. there's a hole in my heart that i can't fix right now. when so many things just happen all at once and blows up in your face, you can't help but wonder what the hell you're still doing around here. so many questions, so little answers.



how do i live with this? i don't know. things won't go back to the way they were, no thanks to my lack of right decisions. forgive and forget? maybe not this time. she said to move on. it took me two years for the last one, i wonder how long it would take this time for me to forgive myself.

01 October 2009

A reading. A watching.

The painter considered for a few moments. "He likes me," he answered after a pause; "I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to some one who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."

-adapted from "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde.



borrowed this book from toamy yesterday. only finished the first chapter and i was already in love. i'm glad i took Literature in English. all the context and implications - it's refreshing.




went online to check for more information on dorian gray... and i found this:




blow my mind away man. blow it away. : )







................................



on a more different note:




i feel the same dude. *hugs*