Tired out.

i wish i had the energy to type out my feelings like a normal blogger should.


but i guess i'm just too tired.




little things are getting to me now. they sink their tiny little teeth into my head and it hurts.



the little problems. ones that i don't really need to bother but still do anyway.






i wish i can get away. just drive away from everything and sit at a secret hiding place where people can't find me and vice versa.





but i can't do that. so i'm stuck with this pressure banging itself in my head.








i was having such a hard time today, trying to figure things out and trying to make sense of the things that have happened. i reached a fleeting moment where i cried in the shower but i stopped myself soon after from pushing myself too hard.



it's... insane.










i'll just chuck these nonsense to the back of my head for now. dinner comes first.



... instant noodles. oh, joy.










(thanks my little monkey and my miracle, for being here for me. thanks girl. i really appreciate you. *hugs* get your butt back here in malaysia so i can speak to you properly. : } )

Happy Birthday Zin. : )

had a long day today. but it was fun nonetheless because we decided to throw Zin a surprise bday party. : )




i was appointed to distract Zin in her room while the rest of the gang get ready to surprise her. i had to lie through my teeth to get everything done properly. guess i put on a pretty good act since Zin didn't expect anything at all. :P


my years in the drama team paid off it seems. : )









brought Zin to my room and the rest gave her a huge surprise. : ) it was really unexpected and she had a smile from ear to ear after that.




surprise: SUCCESS. : )

katherine and lala bear, lighting up the candles. : )

blowing out her 19 candles.

cutting the cake. lee seng's just happy because now he can have CAKE. haha.

the tiramisu cake from the bunch. : )

the happy birthday girl.

we ordered pizza and had a few drinks around. it was supposedly a very content and laid-back party...



... until it got NASTY because kate decided to cream people with cake. : P

kate, caught with her dark side. she DOES look a bit freaky here. :P sorry kate. th camera tends to catch the real side of people.

katherine got creamed too. :P

but then the predator became the prey...

... and she got creamed. :P

the cake war. :P

needless to say i got creamed in the process. : P hehehe.

getting ready for a group photo.

... still not done after 15 minutes.

happy happy squee! : ) the group that came today.

when the rest left, we retired back to our room to proceed with the present opening ceremony!! : )

surprised with the present.

we did a double layer of wrapping, just to annoy the crap out of Zin. hehehe.

helping her to tackle the impossible. : )

first wrapping down! one more to go. : )

"what the eff is this?!?!"

"SURPRISE!!!!!!" : )

zin and a novel from her favourite author. : )

happy birthday buddy. hope you love what we all put up for you. : ) we love you long time! ^^



..............................


chinatown tomorrow with housemates and session with a friend after that.


busy busy day tomorrow.











currently having this video on replay. it's beautiful. and if you don't think so... well then you don't appreciate beauty. *sticks tongue out*

*city lights.

i wish i could find the words in me to describe tonight.



i've been typing and deleting and typing and deleting and typing and deleting my post again and again. i can't seem to settle on a proper post. whatever i type just seem so far-fetched. so improper.






i'm losing my touch.






well, all i can say is that tonight was something quite inspiring for me. a friend brought me out for dinner and we talked about the little things. it made me wonder back to all those unanswered questions that i have chucked at the back of my head ever since i found out that no one can actually answer them. i'd love to find the answers, but no one seem to have them.






so many things to say, but no one to say them to.






soon, love. soon.







but tonight, i enjoyed it.




it was just us, the music, the drive, the roads, the lights, the laughter and the discussions. when will i ever get moments like these back again? i don't know. but you can bet that i'm going to miss all of it.







as for tonight, i will leave all my thoughts to ponder.











goodnight everyone, and have pleasant dreams.

A rather interesting day.

had one of those interesting days of my life today.




originally wanted to go out with a friend at 11am but ended up going out at 1pm instead. long story, and i don't really want to talk about how it went down. all that can be disclosed was that we hung out and talked until my Angsty Squirrel whisked me away.











i was brought to a secret hiding place where i took the time to rest my head for a while. ordered hazelnut hot chocolate and a sugar donut. it was heaven.




both of us sat quietly in our little seats as the airconditioning cooled us down. it started to rain slightly soon after but we were content in our little spots beside the window. we talked about random things and laughed about the crazy ones.





it felt good for once - the rain, music, the muffled talking and us.






you are awesome toamy. : )










the angsty squirrel dropped me off at the pyramid after our rendezvous because i had to meet up with a crazy italian family friend whom i have not seen ever since i was 13.







bonjourno emilio. : )

this is not what it looks like sim. alcohol just can't resist me. :P

i have not seen uncle emilio for the longest of time. he existed in my life ever since i was 1, but moved back to melbourne with his whole family a few years after that.


he came to visit us once in 2003 but just for a couple of days. and i haven't seen him after he left - up till now, that is.







despite his age, he literally grabbed me full-force by the waist and gave me a big tight hug while he showered me with kisses on my cheeks. i cannot tell you how much i missed that. : ) everyone else at the main-entrance was staring but i didn't care. i actually find it quite hilarious. :P



and i enjoyed it while it lasted. hahaha. XP





he brought me out for a carlsberg (because i needed it hehehe. :P). we had a long heated discussion about alcohol and religion and friends and family and life. i really miss catching up with the old man, especially since i haven't seen him for quite some time. talking to him made me realised how much i miss the mazzocato family.








i know this is highly doubtful, but just in case ya'll are reading this: HELLO FRANCA NICOLE AND STEVEN! :D







emilio kept going on about how i've turned into a "woman". it was literally hilarious to hear him talk about me like i've transformed from some kind of a little caterpillar that i've always been from his memories into a butterfly.







i am still flattered. :P








he never fails to make a girl smile with his wittiness.






his charm has always been like wine - it ferments and becomes better in quality as time passes by. : )

with the long-lost mr. potato. : )

currently sitting in front of my screen trying to go over the things that i have to finish. apparently i am still overwhelmed with the things that i have to deal by the end of the week. the assignments are annoying. : ( i am just really burned out from everything at the mo.











p/s anyone up for a visit to the birdpark on friday?

Hush.

i’ve been a tad quiet lately. has anyone noticed?




english for college studies lecturer held me back after classes yesterday. as soon as ms mary ended the class, everyone started shifting out of the classroom. i didn’t know why it took me a while to move but i ended up being the last to walk away. ms mary stopped me and said that she had something to talk to me about.




she confronted me, asking me why i was so quiet in her classes. she asked if i were okay and i said yes. she asked if i were a naturally quiet person and i said no i wasn’t, it just depended on what the group was talking about that determined if i should open my mouth or not. she came to the conclusion that i was more of a listener than a talker, which i initially wanted to rebut but then i thought about what Queen T said to me and decided to agree with her.




i spent a good amount of time thinking about this last night. i had a talk about it with The Angsty Squirrel too and she made me feel better.





thanks Toamy. : P





sometimes i need an amount of time to figure out what’s going on in my head and what’s happening around me. i am capable of being unable to shut up sometimes but most of the time i just need to think.



yeah, i’m different like that. : P




been listening to “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” a lot recently. it reminds me of the unimaginable things that used to be. “Pills” have been repeating itself in my music player for the past two days too. ever since i discovered its existence on YouTube.com the other day, i couldn’t get enough of it. : )




guess it’s another new vice, maybe?

Of drinks and laughter.

we stepped into the dimly lit room; the atmosphere illuminated with only a few wall lamps and the scent of slight smoke from cigarettes and the taste of alcohol hung in the air which filled our lungs as we inhaled.





hoegaarden came first, followed by the snake bite. it felt nice for a while, but i started to feel the alcohol kick in soon after. the heat radiated from my chest to my neck, and it filled my face. i could feel the pressure against my chest as my breathing became faster.





yet somehow, i didn't care. i just wanted to let it overwhelm me more than my feelings already have. i never knew that alcohol could have such a strong hold over me; i let it take charge of everything. fatigue has worn me out too much for me to care anymore for the past few days, so i let my emotions spill.




and it felt absolutely liberating.




we talked, laughed, played random games and hung around. it only took a few hours, but it felt like we've been sitting there for the longest of time.





a couple of drinks, friends and the random things we say.








nothing beats a good afternoon out at the bar. : )






thanks you guys, for the fun.












SIM!!!!!...

more at finnegan's soon? ; )

A different kind of monday.

woke up in the middle of the night, craving for food.


the second i woke up i thought:

"i need a carl's jr. burger dammit."

i texted a friend about it as soon as the thought hit my mind. bugged her while she was sleeping i think. LoL.



to make a statement, i ended up wearing this shirt today:

it took me a while to get what the shirt meant.

ironically, evonne understood in an instant. XD


went to college for classes. was quite anxious about the presentation that we had to present by today...


... but turned out that miss natasha didn't turn up for classes today.




instead, the Queen T came in to inform us about it. everyone was super happy to see her. no surprises there. : P









was supposed to have lunch with sim after classes but i had to stay back to finish up the presentation for tomorrow's classes. *pout* ran to hand Queen T something and chatted for a while.



i was kindda upset after that. had something hanging in my mind that i couldn't shake off. so a friend tried to cheer me up after that, and we headed down to carl's jr. to have a chomp.




and i can DEFINITELY say that it made my day. : P

the western bacon. *om nom nom nom NOM*

oooh padma lakshmi your burger is AWESOME.

(pun intended)





hahahahaha. : P








is exhausted. worn out. too many things going around in my brain. i reached the apartment later than i expected. i walked along the corridor and at one point i wanted things to just stop there for a moment, to just let them hang there. there are assignments to finish and i really don't want to think about them; and there are also tasks that i have to do by the end of the month. so many things, so little time. i just want to sit here and do nothing. absolutely NOTHING.


but watching ellen degeneres' bathroom concert series is making me feel better. i love ellen. : )









caught this earlier this morning when i checked my mails online:

what friends are for.

thank yous. to those who really support me in this. i love you guys beyond words.

........................................

and,

i really like hanging out with you.

What days can bring you.

it's only been two days and so many things have happened. my cup of strength has been filled to the brim with fatigue and i don't even know where to start.





April 17, 2009


went over to bekah's for the BBQ party that was planned for the class.

althea and syaz, trying to cook.

happy syaza showing the chopped garlic done by our chef-that-should've-been: althea! : )

amber, trying to mix the spaghetti around...

... but we all know that she's just fooling around. XP

our two main chefs for the day.

and their spaghetti "tomatolio" turned out pretty good. : P

berrr, running away from the wok because she's still traumatized by an incident that she went through that involved hot oil and her face. O_O

the cheeky one.

us, setting up the BBQ pit.
l-r: althea, syaza and moi.

and eventually our BBQ setup led to jump shots. : )

this is currently my favourite (and my desktop wallpaper. hehehe)

the amber jump.

the syaza jump.

the althea jump.

and the *very lame* michellious jump.

i seriously SUCK at jumping. : P








as it started getting darker, people started streaming in. the latter that came included omer sheena evonne wei wen jun-elle philip jer renn and zanardy. : )

sheena and amber. : )

l-r: omer, evonne, sheena, amber and althea.

and then... SIMITHA CAME!!!


amber and althea got super high like ultra-mega fans and they ran outside to greet her. syaza tagged along too. : ))))

her loyal fans. XD

meeting our chairperson in her car. : D

and she has one of the most awesome-st sound systems EVA.

the arrival of The Sim.
p/s ooooooh syaz! 8D hahaha.

after the party i had to leave with amber althea syaz and simitha because amber had to go home soon.




but before that i only have to say that we crashed crashed CRASHED. i had the bestest fun. never thought crashing was that awesome! : D






had a sleepover at amber's because we had the mass colympics to go to the next day.

and guess who decided to camwhore with my huge-ass camera while i was in the shower? LoL.

had one of the greatest pillow talk with amber before heading to bed. just the music, pillows, crackers, marshmallows and the conversations. it was one of those nights. i missed those moments. : )









April 18 2009


woken up first by amber's phone alarm at 6.30am. left it to snooze. then the radio alarm rang. turned it off. then amber's phone alarm rang again. snoozed it. then some bastard's car alarm went off after that. haha amber said it was a 'sign'. XD


amber's mum dropped us off at the TGIF @ subang parade around 7.15am to hitch a ride with rebekah to bukit jalil for the Mass Colympics.

caryn following from behind. LoL can anyone spot what meen's doing? XD

upon arriving at bukit jalil. : )

jasmeen, paying utmost attention to caryn and rebekah and amber's discussion.

i didn't take much pictures at all because i couldn't bring my heavy camera around during the matches so i left it in the car. i missed some chances to take some awesome pictures.


paintball was FUN. : ) although we lost in the second round, i loved the experience. and i am still a lousy shooter. that's all i can say. call me up for a friendly match, i wouldn't mind - but don't ever invite me for a SERIOUS game of paintball. you'll be risking your team's points. haha.



met allan wu from the amazing race asia. : ) amber was swooning over him like mad. so was althea. i just think his man-boobies were a lil too big for me. XD but overall he was rather good looking in person. looks a bit older compared to his appearances on TV but what the heck, the guys got muscles of 16546216584201584 body-builders.



got him to sign my mass colympics t-shirt. ^_^





got off around 1pm-ish and a bunch of us headed down to Asia Cafe for lunch.

caryn doesn't like it when i take pictures during her serious talks. hehe.

===============================================



even though i had a lot of fun with everyone, i must say that it's been one of the most overwhelming experiences for me. by hanging around more with my coursemates, a lot of things cleared up for myself and the others.


i'm sitting here at my desk right now, still trying to get over the overwhelming things that have happened in the past two days. i'm looking at the annual calendar that i have on my table.

April 18

Teach me, Father, to value each day,
to live, to love, to laugh, to play.

KATHI MILLS

quite frankly, it's pretty true. and that's pretty much what i'm feeling at the moment. i still need time to think myself through because it's a pretty big part of my life that i'm disclosing, but everyday it becomes harder for me to hide it.

i was really afraid, but somehow my friends made it better.


thanks, to the ones who've been there for me. it's a pretty big deal, and i appreciate how you guys have treated me so far.

Still weary.

am apologizing for the last emo post. didn't mean to. was too tired. : O





but i'm pretty serious about the going-hiatus part. michellious is currently digging her face into her notebook, jotting down everything available to aid my crazy media history assignment that's due next week. O_O





rebekah's party's on friday. althea and i (and a few others who are willing to tag along) will be dropping by at carrefour to get the ingredients for the night's BBQ. i personally can't wait for it. : )







the day after the party would be the Mass Colympics. apparently people can't stop talking about how Allan Wu's gonna be there. amber can't wait to lay her hands on that hunk. XD

i'm just psyched that i get to try paint-ball for the first time.

am brainwashing myself of the fact that i will get bruises after the game. (>_<)






just found out that my grizzy bear has been in touch with my tiffo...


AND TIFF SENT HER HER ALBUM!!!! *dies



i want. T_____________________T


why is the malaysian post being so unfair to me. WHY. _headdesk_










on a random notion, i am a very lousy deputy.




okay let's leave it at that.









will be gone for the time being folks. will update when i have the time! : )

: (

chelle, why do you look so upset today?

was it really that obvious? can our feelings really betray us when we don't realise that they decide to shout themselves to the world regardless whether we want to or not?




i dragged myself through the day, drunken with fatigue.




there were too many things on my plate, all at once. i don't think i can handle them even if i tried to believe in myself that i can. the matter of emotions blocking themselves in my brain and my heart is too much to bear.



the feelings, they tug at my heart. painful as it is.




i really wished i didn't have to deal with any of these complications. the relationship between people i care about, the person i love, situations that require me to step out from my shell...



too much.




too, too much.







===================




michellious might go on hiatus for the next fews days. i need time alone for a while.


bear with me, my dear readers.


and forgive me.

Fatigue.

my weekends have been so hectic that i can't even find the strength to blog properly recently.


: (


yeah i know. i shouldn't be using this as an excuse, but i'm just DYING to get some sleep here. yet, there's still so many things left for me to do!! *dies



okay so here are some of the things i did:


(a) ATTENDED THE KLCC PIKOM PC FAIR
disliked it. too many people. squeezing like sardines in a can. total and absolute hate. especially when i can't buy anything. : (((





(b) GONE OVER-BUDGET BUYING NEWSPAPERS
...which i've not even started reading. studious much? lol.





(c) ATTENDED MY FIRST EASTER CHURCH SERVICE @ CITY HARVEST CHURCH
and i loved it. every minute of it. : ) absolutely fell in love with the drama. it made me cry throughout. crucification is so heart-wrenching when portrayed like how they did. *nosetissueblow






(d) MADE NEW FRIENDS.
like tiffany and jessica and wenda and jia hao.

: )







(e) WATCHED FAST & FURIOUS 4
and quite frankly it was disappointing. not that it's bad or anything, but i think that it's because people keep telling me how AWESOME the movie is, i started to have high expectations about it... only to be disappointed by the plot.



what happened to the awesome racings?? and the kick-ass cars?? where where where?!?!



but at least i found a new love:

GAL GADOT OMG PLEASE MARRY ME!

*combusts&dies












okay that's down.





now we shall look at the list of things that i've gotta deal with for the up-coming week:


(a) ATTEND MASS COLYMPICS WITH FRIENDS
i personally am looking forward to my first time playing paint-ball. i know it will hurt like MASSIVE mad but it's better to experience than nothing eh?

AND OMG ALLAN WU!!!!111111 _yay_






(b) ATTEND FIRST CHURCH MASS THIS COMING SUNDAY
loved the easter service so much that i wanted to give the church another go. haven't exactly told parents about it but slowly i might. MIGHT. *fidgets*






(c) SURVIVE ON LESS FOOD BECAUSE WE RAN OUT AND DIDN'T RESTOCK
guess i'll be living on biscuits and tit-bits that are left rotting away in my cupboard.

i feel like some penniless kid. : O






(d) HOLDING MEETINGS WITH THE CLASS REGARDING THE CLASS-PROJECT
i don't know whether i should feel anxious or scared or whatever. being deputy chairperson is SO not what i was ready for. went over some ground rules about being confident with our beloved chairlady Simitha earlier.

wish me luck! *crosses fingers







(e) BRAINSTORM FOR MASS COMM ASSIGNMENT
omg i cannot tell you how much i detest this assignment.

hatehatehatehatehate. : (













okay. too tired to think now. i will go hibernate so i will be able to wake up tomorrow and welcome althea's grand entrance to my place.





kthnxbai.





_snores_

Fridays are free too.

friday's the other day of the week where i don't have classes.




lala bear had to attend a workshop in college (painting like kindergarten kids eh, shella? XD) today. i thought i'd be locked in the apartment again with nobody to talk to like an orphaned puppy in the dumpster. but luckily for me, zin invited me to tag along with her to Klang to visit Kate while they hunt around for stationeries for their design classes.





: )






woke up at 8am today to get ready for the journey down to klang. took the ktm with zin at around 9-ish. reached klang at about 10am.

first time in klang. : )

kate came a while later to pick us up and we went for a spin before we headed down for brunch.

went to visit the sultan but apparently he wasn't awake yet. heehee.

in kate's car.

i was only introduced to kate a couple of days ago, but she's really friendly and is really nice to talk to. : )


visited the places around town and then we went off for brunch.


and what's better to have than klang's famous bak kut teh? : DDDD




[strictly non-halal, fyi]

pu er tea. : )

our hostess for the day. ^_^

klang bak kut teh!! om nom nom nom NOM. : D

this ensemble alone is enough to resurrect my soul from hunger.

it is absolutely, positively SCRUMPTIOUS!! : D





we went around after brunch. was brought to this shop that sold huge ass pearl milk tea.


chocolate ice milk tea is AWESOME. : D





=======================================


am currently in the room waiting for zin and kate to finish their work and to come over afterwards. : )




as a side note -

ANYONE ELSE GOING TO THE MASS COLYMPICS??

allan wu's gonna be there. : )

LIVESTRONG wristband.

i know i know. i should've gotten the yellow one. but hey, i love green more. : )

talking with deanie.

LoL sometimes he makes me laugh in the silliest of ways. : D

dude get your butt back in malaysia! XD










fridayssssss are rather boring if i didn't have other people to hang around with. 8 O