26 December 2009

Watch the rain play on the ocean top.

after what seemed like a long time, i'm back on the road once again with the steering wheel in my hands and the whole world in a fast-motion blur behind the windows.

the moments spent with siying tonight was a good one. i haven't seen her for almost a year now and we caught up on a lot of things. we shared stories and laughed like how we used to; it felt really good. that's one of the things i love about catching up with long-lost loved ones: you'll never know what stories they have up their sleeves. : )


it's only been a week but being back here has got me thinking about so many things. thoughts perpetually raced through my mind and they haven't stopped since. i have yet to meet up with the rest of the lovelies and i keep thinking there's not enough time for everyone, even when i still have until february. i guess it just feels that way, not because i don't have enough time in the world but rather what's left of 2009. time passes us by so fast; it feels like only yesterday my high school friends and i were waiting for the dawn on 2009 to arrive, camwhoring at the carpark in marriott hotel during our last seconds of 2008 together.

and yet, look at all of us now: we've survived another year of college.

it struck me as amazing how a year had gone by and changed so many things. i come back home now and i sit down with everyone else at the table, each and every one of us sharing our own stories that no longer consisted of old friends but rather the new ones. most of us have changed, trying to catch up with the current life that's pushing us to a better future. life takes away certain things, but places them with new ones.

it's something that i've learnt about growing up: people leave, and they move on. sometimes it's not the best feeling in the world, knowing that once we had been inseparable, connected... and now all of us have our own lives to live. debbers said it's something that we have to come to terms with - letting go of old friends so that they find their own ways in life, even if it meant hurting inside and feeling left out, going against what used to be.

but then again, without the separation we won't be able to experience that warmth that embraces you when catching-up with friends. it feels so good: a kind of adrenaline rush that you get when you sit down yourselves down and hear so many different stories about each others' lives, then comparing it to the past and laughing at ourselves and the things we've done together. it's amazing.


i drove at 120, with the windows turned down and the wind running its delicate fingers through my hair. i can't remember the last time i ever felt like this, so free and liberated as if there was nothing in the world that could stop me.

it's one of the things i love about returning home. it's like being back in my very own one tree hill. the feelings were familiar; the places, the people. every corner lingered with a memory just waiting to be discovered again. i felt at ease with the familiar faces, even though it's not always smooth sailing. my family is here, my memories are here. my heart will always be here.

but people move out and move on, i suppose. people always leave.

it's christmas, and i couldn't help but think about him for the past few days. he was my first christmas memory, as all the rest seemed vague and fade in comparison. but what's left of us is no longer worth anything but a mere retention in my mind and an emotion in my heart. however, he had once been in my life nonetheless, and for that he will always occupy that space in my heart. and i still miss him.

i drove on towards home, with jimmy eats world in the player.

"Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it gets easy
You can't keep safe what what's to break."

i think of her, and i smile. memories of us are still intact - as vivid in my mind as the feel of the keyboard that i am now typing underneath my fingertips. people have always awed at our friendship; how it was formed under such a short period of time but have remained so solid through these years even though we're two worlds apart. this has always been our song, and i'll always count down the days until we see each other again.

maybe next summer ey, tiffo? : )

it's been a long year, 2009. but why do i feel like i want it to last forever?

1 spilled milk:

tarotism said...

Girl, i seriously miss you!!! And i do remember that night when we came up with no plans from Ulu Mulu until Marriot hotel's carpark. I miss counting down with you and other friends. Guess I'd be missing all that from now. Deep down inside, I feel like it's a wrong choice, but i'd stand strong for I shall not let people back home down. Girl! We shall really have a nice long talkative hilarious and full of stories of 2010 next summer when i got back to the land where I am familiar with. Miss ya lots! and Happy New Year (without me)!!!!