11 November 2009

An afternoon.

it was a lonely afternoon today. the air around me was hot and stifling and the wind abandoned us, leaving behind only the scorching rays of sunlight beaming against our backs, looking down upon us in the middle of the clear blue sky. there wasn't a cloud in sight and as i looked up, i could see birds descending lazily and perching onto the overhead wires that stretched endlessly along the road.

i've arrived at the station and sat myself down at an empty seat to wait for the next train to come. the originals plans for singing sessions at the karaoke bar earlier today had been postponed due to certain inconveniences and i was left with nothing to do, so i decided to spend the rest of it all at Cold Storage's and Carrefour.

growing up, i've always had an interesting fascination towards grocery stores; the way the vegetables and fruits all bursting with colours and flavours are arranged at the display, the way the neat rows of cans and packets are lined up the isles, presenting themselves with an unspeakable glow. on top of that, it feels really good to be one of the very few early birds at the grocers, where the produce are freshly packed and tidied up. i love browsing through every single thing at the place, to feel its weight and its texture in my hands. i have no idea where this interest first came from - all i know is that it makes me happy. and anything that makes me happy is a good thing. : )

today is one of those very few days when i actually get up and do something for myself. usually i get scared and end up not doing anything because i didn't want to do it alone. however i find it quite comforting to be able to go ahead and do something that i love without having to worry. i definitely need to catch up on some "me" time since i have all the time in the world.

as i sat there at the station waiting for the next train to arrive, i felt a sense of independence growing inside of me. at one point i felt slightly proud of myself, proud because i'm able to do something without having to move along in groups. "i thought you were an individual," i recalled a friend saying. well, i am. : ) it's just that sometimes the fear of being alone scares me so much that i don't even dare to do anything anymore. feeling lonely is one thing, but being able to be alone and not needing anyone is another thing entirely, i realised.

while waiting for the train i observed and i pondered, a habit that i had since i was a child and was picked up again when i was out having brunch with a friend earlier. i think people should be in tune with everything else besides themselves more often; to be able to observe and to take in their surroundings and analyse it. sometimes it baffles me how different and unique each and every one of us can be, but i guess this is what makes it so exciting when we find someone else in the world who is somewhat similar to ourselves.

maybe that's what made her appeal so much to me; what made me so attached.

there was a bargain at carrefour: books and novels selling at RM5 each. i couldn't resist but to get two. i reached into my bag for my newly bought prizes and took out the smaller one out of the two. i started reading it but, my mind dozed off at the seventh page. i realised that i tend to do that sometimes, spacing out and thinking about other things altogether while i am doing something else in the first place. another bad habit that i have.

time has been moving quite slowly recently. maybe it's because there is nothing much to do and all my friends aren't around. i've been texting the woman with good taste today to keep ourselves company. thank God for technology. : )

there's still thursday, friday, saturday AND sunday to go. hopefully i'll be able to survive until then.

my phone is incredibly quiet at the moment. i find the silence unsettling.

i miss them already.

i feel like i should make some croissant bread pudding. if only i had an oven.

lisa, sporting a simple vintage blazer from Forever 21 and shoes from ModCloth.

on a more different note, a reblog from my peyton sawyer that i really like:

“Your heart just breaks, that’s all. But you can’t judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”
— Audrey Hepburn

very true, don't you think?

0 spilled milk: