14 August 2009

Heavy.

for a moment i placed my book down and took a second to breathe. i closed my eyes for only a brief moment and i opened them again, only to take in everything around me. there i was, sitting up in my bed, snuggled in the comfort of my blanket with a light novel in one hand. i stayed where i was. my headphones were plugged into my laptop, the music player crooning M.Y.M.P's cover of "eternal flame". outside the rain was falling ever so slowly, gently coming down in flakes instead of the usual downpour. the air was chilled and the cold winds kissed me from time to time.



sometimes moments like these made me wish that time never had to go by.





*********************





i've been sitting in front of the computer screen for the past hour, hands placed firmly on the keyboard and ready to type but my mind blank, heart in a loss for words.



the amount of stress and emotional roller-coaster ride have driven me over the edge i suppose, and as my body slowly broke down due to the lack of rest and care, it resulted in the fever that crept up on me two days earlier, leaving me drained of all my strength and useless to the world.



i haven't been blogging for quite a while. frankly speaking, after third semester of college started, i haven't been following my usual routines. for the first couple of weeks i have been going out a lot. i've met new people and been hanging out a lot with them; people within my circle and those that are not.



at one point i stopped and realised how far i was wandering from my safety zone. experiences may be something that shape us but sometimes we have to know that there are certain lines that we do not cross. and even if we want to, we have to be sure that we're ready and responsible for what's to come.




i won't deny that the past few weeks i've had awesome fun. i've met different people and i've learnt quite a lot of different things. but then again i guess sometimes we have to abandon the fun and get back to setting our lives straight again. and in the midst of all the fun, we'd screw up a few things along the way. it may be unintentional, but things will nevertheless go haywire once in a while as there will always be mistakes that we might have forgotten to check twice, things that could have easily slipped from our carelessness.




i'm slowly trying to mend all the things that have gone wrong, even though there are those who won't give me an easy time about it. there are times when i still wonder why, but i won't expect people to understand. as long as i play my part, then i'm good to go.



people still question me though, but i'll leave them be. no matter how i live my life, there will always be one or two people who has something to say about it. if i cared about everything that they had to say, what's there left of my own life for me to live then?