29 September 2008

Thoughts and reflections, as said.

i haven't been like myself today. i'm feeling waves of emotions like i've never felt before and it is new to me. i smile when deep inside i know that my heart has been clenched and squeezed out of its breath.

somehow i think i'm in denial.

i finished my second coelho today and tonight i have started on my third. just after going through my first two short stories in the book, i feel inspired. i have not read anything like this. i couldn't believe my eyes as i read line after line of perfect words strung together into beautiful poetic sentences. as the sentences merge together to form the paragraphs and paragraphs form the whole story, it takes my breath away.

i could sense it. everytime i finished a line, my smile would grow wider. at every word i could feel as if i wrote the very lines that danced in the pages. this book has the very thoughts that have gone through my mind countless of times.

it's as if coelho captured my heart and my soul and turned them into words.

something really big happened to me today. i wouldn't exactly say it's the most beautiful thing that happened in my life, but it definitely has given me an impact that is bigger than i've expected it to be. at first i thought i could handle it. i thought i could push through whatever life brought upon me.

but seemingly i have failed; because i broke the promise to myself and let someone in and hurt me. i blamed myself repeatedly as the silent tears stream down my cheeks and burn my skin.

the pain seeped in more profoundly now, and i can feel it puncturing the very last of my emotions, tearing it into oblivion. it is something beautiful because i thought i could finally let someone in; yet it is something that's broken because what's left of me is shattered and torn.

as i sit here, i will continue to dwell into another world, the world where no one can harm me and i am my own master of fate - in the world of coelho's books.

always : always she waits for you.

1 spilled milk:

tarotism said...

che'lle, though you might not like what i say later but i understand.

you can hide in books, in threads and threads of lines that can be linked up into your hiding corner, but one day you still have to face what's outside, in the reality. People learn from beating up with feelings, situations and even, rejections. When you are ready to deal with it, please know that i will always stand on your side okay?

lots of loves...